July 19, 2007

Hate Mail

Posted in Guilty Pleasures, Must See TV, Rants at 8:34 am by Faith

In order to decompress from some of my pending Bar-Exam stress, I’ve been streaming old episodes of Celebrity Fit Club 5. I just got done watching the season finale during a break today. All I can really say about it is this (and I’m fully aware I’m something like 2 months late with this observation)…

diamond.jpg

Screech, (oh, I’m sorry… DUSTIN DIAMOND) you are the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG I have ever seen in all my years. And I’ve met my fair share of douchebags. You constantly amaze me at the lengths you’ll go to in order to extend your 15 minutes of fame. From your “leaked” sex tape (yeah, we ALL know that YOU leaked it… the only one proud of that nasty schlong is you…) to your “Save My House From Foreclosure” campaign (which in itself was majorly tacky, especially considering that my sources tell me you weren’t even CLOSE to losing your house and the whole thing was just a publicity stunt), to your proclamations that you were “THE STAR” of Celebrity Fit Club 5… I’ve never seen such a publicity whore SO DESPERATE for attention.

There’s a reason that you were the only cast member to be in ALL of the Saved by the Bell spin-offs: It’s because you’re annoying, a sub-par actor, and frankly, no one wants to see your ugly mug anymore.

I didn’t even start watching CFC because of you. I watched because it thought it would be fun to see Marcia from The Brady Bunch… and because my brother listens to quite a bit of Cledus T. Judd‘s work… and because even though I was a die-hard Claymate, I also rooted for Kimberely Locke on American Idol 2. And who in the hell can forget Tiffany, Da Brat, and Warren G… all musicians who had pretty big hits during my “generation.” Who the hell were YOU? Some lame ass loser from an annoying Saturday morning television show. Yep, you were the star, all right. (In all fairness, I had NO clue who Ross Matthews was. But he came across better than you did on camera.) You said more annoying things and showed such poor judgment that I was left speechless on more than one occasion. If you dropped dead tomorrow, I would not shed a tear. Please kindly piss off.

Hugs and kisses,

Faith

P.S. I also find it incredibly amusing that you have been the only celebrity on record to lose a domain name dispute to a PARODY site. That, in itself, says everything that needs to be said. The parody site, by the way, ROCKS.

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